Hot Fuzz Stars in Mysterious Disappearance

In news that will shock the nation it appears that some of our celebrities are missing. Contrary to popular movie legend they have not been kidnapped by women of a mature age but are feared to have become the latest victims of a notorious Succubus called Miriam. The story first broke upon the discovery of an open loft hatch in the early hours of Monday morning at the residence of a Mr Simon Pegg (renowned actor and eater of 2 mini babybels in a row). It was his close friend and confidant Mr Nicholas Frost (renowned actor and former waiter) who first unearthed the truth of the loft dwelling fiend although how he came by such information is unknown.

What is known is that Mr Pegg was awoken this morning by his alarmed canine companion following a disturbance in the loft. Gathering all of his courage (which took some time) Mr Pegg ventured into the loft to confront this foul beast. Alas no-one has heard of him since. His last known words were broadcast to the world by popular celebrity stalking website Twitter: "Okay, I'm going to see what the hell's going on. Back in five with a full report. Wish me luck."

Troubling words I'm sure you'll agree. As the minutes ticked by friends and fans alike became more and more anxious. Mr Frost (as closest friend to the feared to be deceased) took it upon himself to investigate. Upon arrival at the Pegg residence a slightly nervous Frost commented that the front door was open and a strange sense of coldness filled the air. Once more Twitter fell silent as another victim appears to have been claimed by the merciless Miriam.

The online world holds its breath, awaiting news of the fate of these two heroes. I however will be starting a campaign to get those "celebrities" the world can do without to go and investigate the whereabouts of Miriam the Merciless in the hope that they too may be claimed by this foul wench. Perhaps we may even offer them as a human sacrifice and save our intrepid heroes. Now what was Jordan's e-mail address........