We are all aware of the mysterious, black hole like qualities of the common household sofa but their true demonic nature has until today been limited to the consumption of loose change and remote controls. I received today my new furniture which meant out with the old and in with the new. As I tipped the behemoth on its side to facilitate its transport from the lounge to the kitchen I heard the sound of coinage tumbling in its insides. Now I am not known as being a tight man with my money but I thought that this currency was once my own and had been secretly taken from me by the evil sofa. Knife in hand I cut the bottom of the sofa to reveal its inner chambers. This is what I found...
1 pop bottle, 2 combs, 3 necklaces, 1 flag stick, 35 sweet packets, 2 used tissues, 14 pencil crayons, 7 dummies, 1 dolls shoe, 8 ice pole wrappers, 17 crisp packets, 4 toy cars, 1 bouncy ball, 3 balls, 9 hair grips, 1 compact mirror, 1 toy chicken, 1 Barbie swing chair,1 frubes wrapper, 7 teaspoons, 1 bugs bunny sound fx paw, 6 pens, 2 lighters, 1 lip balm, 1 party blower, 29 hair bobbles, 1 toy motorbike, 4 ice lolly sticks, 1 aa battery, 1 9v battery, 1 bottle top, 2 bracelets, 1 sock, 1 sheet of A4 paper, 1 wooden train track, 1 gameboy game cartridge, 1 toy saxophone, 2 pairs of tweezers, 1 earring, 1 wax crayon, 2 toy parts, 1 paint brush, 1 fridge magnet, 1 mobile phone stylus, 2 DS stylus's, 1 piece of toy food (a cucumber i think), 1 spare Christmas tree light bulb, 2 felt tip pen lids, 1 rubber lizard, £2.08p in loose change, 1 colouring in picture of Guy Fawkes, 1 clothes peg, 1 used cotton bud,1 purse containing £1.55 in coppers and an In The Night Garden Crayola Activity Mat. AND NOT A SINGLE REMOTE CONTROL!!
So the next time you lose your remote control and all around you people are kindly telling you to look down the back of you sofa, ignore them for they know not the truth of this foul beast. However if you have lost your toy chicken or are in need of a used tissue, you know exactly where to go.
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